Life, Love & Freedom
Back from my six month adventure in OZ, starting back out in Vancouver, preparing for new adventures to come while hoping to keep writing

NEW BLOG -

Sorry for the lack of update for about six months, but I’ve been working on a new blog. I’ll finally have some time to sync the two because I realize that I have some great posts on this blog in the archives! 

Here’s the LINK :::: 

http://lifeloveandfreedom.wordpress.com/

On the Road again - I’m flying off to San Jose, CA in about an hour and a half for a little R&R for a week. It’s my birthday weekend, I thought I’d treat myself with some fun in the sun! Oh, and that intoxicating feeling I get when I’m at an airport won’t be so bad either ;) 

I’ll see about blogging from over there, I’ll see about blogging about some real stuff too. I’m not too happy with myself for my current posts, not enough thought, enough depth. I did write a blurb on religion but I haven’t quite finished it yet, so it’s sitting at the draft table. One day the writing thing is going to overtake me again, one day soon. 

Quick little update

It’s been a long while since I’ve gotten my writer’s feet wet.. err, you know what I mean! Well I’ve decided to head this blog more into a social commentary and general rambling direction rather than a day-to-day because my point never was to write a diary about what I did yesterday and what kind of food I’m eating. Speaking of which I’ve been experimenting with some fantastic vegan recipes and green smoothies…but I digress. The point was to, well update whilst on trip, and to write. To keep writing. 

I was talking with a friend at work and after reading some of my poetry he told me to get active about writing. Active as in the opposite of lazy; to set aside time each day (or realistically, every couple of days) and devote it to some writing, quality or not. The other thing I never did was finish writing about Fiji and the Great Barrier Reef. I promise this weekend. Oh crap, the Tumblr gods are going to hold me to this now…where’s edit? ha! 

Ok ok I’ll try something now, something I’ve been thinking on for a long while. 

That ‘thing’ that’s YOU -

What is that thing? We’ve passed adolescence now, at least literally, and so the anxious, pimple-fused, insecurity that held us all together has absolutely diffused as everyone has gone their separate ways, specializing. Be it a sport, soccer, basketball, cricket, or dance, or events, or jobs, or even party, there is that little something that makes you, you. Something even as insignificant as the person who enjoys a simple, practical life and keeps in touch with the same people he grew up with. That something… I find myself a bit of a drifter; I’m into a bit of everything which a lot of the time ends up feeling like a whole lot of nothing. But I think I finally figured out that thing that makes me, me. 

TRAVEL - I get an incomparable high when I travel, it’s the thing I work towards constantly, it’s something everyone knows me by, I sacrifice for it, it’s how I meet friends and it’s something I genuinely want to keep doing. It sounds crazy, I know, but really, think about it. Here’s a visual : 

                             cute right? 

So I give things up for this. I give up a night life in Vancouver, I give up clubs and activities, I give up endless clothes, and to some extent, I give up friends because we have to be realistic - everything costs money and doing school and work the last four years, this has been my reward. Let me really think about this, cause I haven’t really thought about it in a while. Mexico, Dominica, Cuba, California, Florida, Vegas, France, Germany, back home, Australia, Tasmania (so awesome that I consider it separate from the rest of OZ), Fiji and here and there. And I took so much from each place and have so many memories tied to such great times with people who are so dear to me still. It was always more than just a vacation. So this is what I need staring at me when I feel confused and dejected about life here, about what exactly I’m going to do with all this. I know! Latin America, Evropa… tropics. I’ll be the girl at the ten year reunion that lived on the beach, breathed passionately and loved fiercely.

You can see it, can’t you? Don’t lie…

Eye-opener

I was at the beach yesterday enjoying the momentary sunlight that Vancouver praises us with about two weeks of the year. It’s a quick sprint down in any attempt to catch some color and this particular day, I had been a bit slow so I ended up going with my mom to our long time favorite beach right past English Bay. The setting was secluded (with bushes growing wild around), mood relaxed (with mellow half drugged/drunk people enjoying their time) and the sun potent. This group of guys was sitting near us and one of them struck up a conversation with me which led to…nothing. But wait ! Then slowly one by one they all left until two were left and one began talking with me again. This led to a revelation. 

He was an interesting guy, Mada, I think his name was. A snowboarder, nearly turned pro who realized that he wasn’t going to go anywhere with this sport unless he really made it. He was a mellow, practical guy though; it was quite surprising. We talked for over an hour about all sorts of stuff, where we worked, about life, about sport and he told me in reaction to my tailbone injury and rollerblading, “what are you waiting for? Get back on the horse!” I opened my mouth to sigh and say, “wait a minute…” but I held out for a bit. And what slowly, and indirectly, came out through conversation was the many, many injuries he’d subjected his body through and how just last week he went wake boarding and he was sore. It was one of those moments in life where another person reflects indirectly, directly back at you, by just describing his life and his attitude alongside that. “I jumped up off this ramp to do a flip on my snowboard and I lost balance and there I was, 30 feet up thinking I’m going to fall… so I tucked my neck in as much as I could and fell straight down; unable to breathe for a good 3-5 minutes, finally I took a deep breath in and screamed, I survived…let’s do it again!” You have to live life and take chances; physical recovery is minuscule compared to psychological serenity. 

I’m going rollerblading tomorrow morning; it’s been a year since the accident. 

Breathe Me 

Help, I have done it again 
I have been here many times before 
Hurt myself again today
And, the worst part is there’s no-one else to blame 

Be my friend 
Hold me, wrap me up 
Unfold me 
I am small 
I’m needy 
Warm me up 
And breathe me 

Ouch I have lost myself again 
Lost myself and I am nowhere to be found, 
Yeah I think that I might break 
I’ve lost myself again and I feel unsafe

Be my friend 
Hold me, wrap me up 
Unfold me 
I am small 
I’m needy 
Warm me up 
And breathe me 

Be my friend 
Hold me, wrap me up 
Unfold me 
I am small 
I’m needy 
Warm me up 
And breathe me

- Sia

Balloons

Do you ever wonder where balloons go if you release them? 

They float and float until they’re out of sight, sometimes taking a a little longer, swirling around corners of buildings or tangling through electrical lines, until they disappear between the clouds. Where does a balloon go on a sunny day that has no obstacles? How does a purple or pink balloon feel between the white clouds and blue sky? When will a balloon’s journey end? And where? How good will it be - how strong is the wind, what direction is it moving in, what if it’s raining? Or worse, snowing? Can it be too hot for a balloon? or too cold? How far up does the balloon get? And once it pops (does it even pop?) do the remains simply trickle back down? 

6am thoughts. 

Facebook: a closer look

Give my personal experience and the classes that i’ve taken on the subject, I’ve come to the conclusion that identity, and such the formation, reconstruction and implementation of the self, is the most important psychological process for a human being. Both security and insecurity on a range of self topics grow directly out of this ongoing process. Herbert Mead is specifically recognized for explaining this process of self through his distinction between the I and the me. The I represents the “subject” phase of the process, in which people are simply reacting to a stimulus; it is the immediate, spontaneous and impulsive aspect of conduct. While the me represents the “object” phase, in which people take on the other, imagining themselves as objects in their situation; it is the reflective, aware and controlled aspect of conduct. This I and me are meant to alternate in ongoing conduct (Hewitt, 2007). Specifically,

“this is the essence of the self as a process. There is an impulse to act, imagined responses to such an act, imagined alternative actions, and some eventual resolution of the inner dialogue into some overt course of action” (p. 58, Hewitt, 2007). 

Bring on Facebook; the book of identities. Facebook has not been such a sustained hit because of its networking capabilities, but rather its continual and invasive exposure of self. It directly plays into the thought actions that the above quote explains - you are given a page in which you are asked to both describe yourself at once as well as to continually update your identity with profile pictures, albums, status updates, and recently, even city locations. By studying one’s Facebook page, you can determine to a great extent who s/he is, or who s/he is trying to be. Let’s assume here for the sake of argument that while everyone, and I mean everyone, heightens their image on Facebook, only a small number of individuals will blatantly lie. So let’ see…

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RaIn, rain, do stay another day

Today’s a rainy day which is great; I got my java in hand and I’m ready to write. 

A simply, simple life?

I think I figured it out ! When I’m in Vancouver, I feel like I have to constantly be doing something, i.e. working towards something, doing some task, outstanding cleaning, something. When I was in Sydney, I consciously told myself I was on vacay for six months. I lived ever so simply - cleaning took literally forty-five minutes, I had what I had in my closet which happily got fuller and fuller, I remembered my dreams almost every single night, I produced philosophical rants because all I did was sit around all day, sometimes read, sometimes swim, etc. This is not the mindset that I’m in when I’m in Vancouver; I’m usually in panic, I’m behind on something. I think this is the key…. I have to change my mindset ! Why is this like this? Is this Capitalism, with a capital C? Or is it just my overly anxious character that needs to consciously devote time to relax? I think it’s a combination. A fucking shitty combination. Anyway… let’s try and change that. 

Update : did not get moved to Totem, got a lot more shifts at the place I’m at right now. Absolutely blows but I’m not letting it deter me, I’m trying to give away shifts and I’m planning on actually booking time off for “vacation”  - problem is I’ve already got the sched until July 15th. How time flies and you’ve done nothing, how time flew there, and I did something, somehow, in doing, nothing. 

What’s life about?